The Validation Trap

A big question that many people have when they first come into the vampyre community is "Am I a vampyre?" There is a tendency to answer this question by comparing oneself to other people within these spaces. Then the question becomes "Am I vampyre enough?"

The desire to fit in is not unique to the vampyre community. The psychology of conformity functions as well among vampyres as it does among any other social group. There is a tendency to adopt or exaggerate traits in order to better conform to the in-group. In the vampyre community this usually means exaggerating symptoms, exaggerating experience, or exaggerating lineage.

Exaggerating lineage is most commonly seen during introductions to forums or servers. Claims like being descended from Vlad Tepes or Elizabeth Bathory are relatively easy to pick apart and ultimately reveal how humble a person is willing to be. The same thing goes for exaggerating the experience of being a member of a certain group or having special abilities. These behaviors reveal something of the character of prospective members and can be useful for vetting but are relatively harmless. How someone reacts to being called out is perhaps the best way of finding out if they are saying what they think the group wants to hear or whether they actually believe it. Someone that takes genuine questioning as an attack probably has not done much genuine questioning of themselves and may not be a good fit for groups largely built around exploration of deeply personal experiences.

The exaggeration of symptoms is almost always an attempt to fit in with those perceived to be "more vampyre" than others. Severe sensitivity to the sun and unrelenting hunger for and fixation on blood are very common symptoms cited by those approaching the community and while these definitely present in some people there is a tendency to embellish the severity to gain acceptance. Similarly, the exaggeration of how much blood one consumes or has consumed is sometimes seen. It's easy to fall into the perception that more severe symptoms and more extreme consumption makes one a more valid vampyre. This can lead to an unhealthy and unproductive type of one-upmanship to prove one's condition and therefore one's legitimacy and claim to the label. 

On that note, another way that this validation-seeking behavior presents is through adopting a label like sang or psi and then denigrating all other types of vampyre; essentially propping up one's own identity by tearing down the identity of others. Much has been said about the so-called Psi vs. Sang War and a lot of that, in my opinion, was personal grudges and disagreements that had very little to do with what feeding method had a rightful claim to the label of vampyre. The desire to prove that one type of vampyre was the "true real vampyre" was a desperate clinging to a label that one had invested a great deal of their identity in. It was about validation and being seen as super serious vampyres, not to be confused with those other fake vampyres.

It's normal to want validation for something that you have experienced and spent a great deal of time and effort trying to understand. It can be upsetting to see others that are not taking the identity as seriously as you think they should be. It is natural to want to exclude people from the label that you feel aren't burdened enough, that don't suffer enough, that aren't vampyre enough. Someone giving your label or identity a bad name causes a certain kind of enmity. The vast majority of conflict within the vampyre community is and always has been because of the quest for validation.

Fortunately this is largely unnecessary in the contemporary community. Most vampyres now recognize that the spectrum of vampyric experience has enough space for just about everyone. When viewed from an outsider's perspective, it's pretty silly for grown adults to be arguing over which ones are "real vampyres" in the first place. It's my opinion that whatever "vampyre-ness" is would continue to exist regardless of what it's called and the core nature of the condition or experience would still be expressed, even if by another name. We would find another archetype to relate to.

Fighting over labels isn't productive and lying or exaggerating in order to gain social status is a house of cards. It's best to approach any community with honesty and integrity. There's no prize for drinking a liter of beef blood and there's no medal for having naturally sharp teeth. If these things are a part of your authentic experience then please share them but do not feel that you have to make up lies about yourself to fit in. We're all outcasts here in some form or other; that's why the archetype of the vampyre resonates so strongly with us. Be yourself, be respectful, and you will find acceptance regardless of what label you choose for yourself, even if you have to look at several places before you find a home.